sleeplessinsanjose:

By nature I am a creature of habit.  I have my spurts of spontaneity, but when it comes down to the core of me, I definitely am a person who yearns for consistency.  And it is in large part due to this personality trait of mine that I am extremely sentimental and have a very difficult time letting go.  Letting go equates to change, and changes means unfamiliar…and unfamiliar means re-configuring myself and the constants that I had worked so hard to create up to that point.

We all know that “the only thing constant is change”.  And that’s the irony of it all.  If you think about it, with each passing minute, we are a slightly different person.  Every little detail of what you do in your daily life transitions you into the next minute.  We add experience and knowledge of self every second, but, it is hard to accept.  Why is it so hard to accept? Because it means we relinquish power.  Giving up control is allowing destiny to take its natural course.  For someone like me, I believe in destiny, fate, why things happen for a reason, etc, but at the same time, I try so hard to manipulate it into where I want to be in that moment.  But life is bigger than moments.  Moments make up experiences, and yes, moments have the biggest impact on us, but in the end…it is ultimately about a bigger picture.

I know in my heart that letting go is an inevitable process in life.  We’ve all had to go through it before, and at age 22, I know there is still so much letting go I will have to endure in my lifetime.  But I have to remind myself that it is all for the sake of myself, and not for anyone else.  I can’t re-live past events, and I definitely can’t re-live times I’ve shared with certain people.  To fully realize the goodness of the past, I have to accept.  Happiness can only exist in acceptance.  And although knowing and doing are different, “I can’t walk a mile without taking a step.”

Accept that there’s nothing you can do to change the past. You did the best you could.  You were as good, loving, and effective as you could have been.  If you were to go back, you couldn’t do anything differently because that’s who you were and that’s what you knew. It’s done.